Come to Life
by Danax
Summary: Killing was never easy. Murdering someone he cared for in the name of Konoha didn't help him with his guilt. She haunts him daily, he sees her, speaks to her and feels her presence around him. But she might not be as dead as everyone thought. KakaSaku.
1. Chapter 1

**Don't know Naruto and never will. **

**This is something that has been literally haunting me for like a year. And this first chapter was first written somewhat like a year ago. I've already written the second chapter and some events from here and there. I will update as soon as my loooovely beta-reader finishes with the 2nd chapter.**

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><p><em>Prologue:<em>

Harsh concrete walls seemed to be closing in all around her. There were no windows and the air was filled with a dry musk; this of course helped her figure out that she was in a basement of some kind. The lack of windows had made her lose her sense of time. The only source of light was a dim lamp hanging above her.

A single obsidian eye bore deep into her. Even though the current situation was intimidating, the look in his eye made her feel a little more at ease. She could see that he was regretful and that he'd be as gentle as possible. But there was nothing he could do. It was her mistake. She blamed herself and she hoped he wouldn't be haunted by guilt for this.

The moment things had started going wrong and she had been discovered, she knew it'd come to this. And if anyone was about to do it, she was glad it was Kakashi. She trusted him with her life… the thing he was about to take away from her.

She was scared; she could feel her palms clamming up, beads of sweat trickling down her forehead. Her breathing was heavy and ragged and she had to work hard to calm it. She didn't want him to remember her as some spineless, timorous girl he once had taught. It was purely irrational but she needed to seem as cool and composed as possible.

She had taken a mission to possess some information from the Hidden Village in Mist. It had been crucial that she stay hidden in the shadows and not be discovered. But she hadn't known she had trespassed to a land which was owned by very powerful shinobi. She hadn't known she had been watched the whole time. And now that she had been interrogated without any success by her former teacher; she was bound to meet her death.

She knew he had tried to save her. He probably had tried to keep her presence hidden, but alas he wasn't the only warrior there. And, as others found out that there was a shinobi, they wanted her dead. There was nothing more he could've done. He was following his mission, his orders, just as was she. There were too many powerful ninjas and Sakura knew the legendary Copy ninja wouldn't be able to take them all down, not even with her help. And decimating them all would surely cause major conflict between their villages. Her death would be for the sake of peace in Konoha.

She bit her lower lip and gazed into his eye. She fought the urge to cry, which made her throat burn painfully. She tried to blink away the tears but she was sure some of them escaped from the corners of her eyes.

Her life didn't flash before her eyes and there was no bright light in the darkness. There was only the piercing pain in her chest as Kakashi plunged a kunai to her heart. His masked lips brushed her skin gently as he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

She began gathering healing chakra in her fresh wound. She knew that human body could survive only 15 seconds without a beating heart and those 15 seconds wouldn't be enough. She'd die there. But she couldn't go without a fight; it wasn't her nature to succumb.

And then, she was gone.

Kakashi watched as his previous student's eyes became lifeless. Those jade green eyes once so full of life and emotion were glassy and faded into nothingness. He cursed himself for letting his friend die. He had lost too many people in the past. A small part of him had accepted the death of Rin and Obito but he knew he could never forgive himself for taking Sakura's life. Even for the sake of his mission, his home, his village. Once he had sworn he'd do anything to protect her and now he was the one to take away her life.

Her pink locks splay across her face, covering her left eye and parts of her forehead. Pearls of sweat had formed on her forehead wetting some of her locks.

"Get rid of the body", Taro, his "boss" said bringing the Copy ninja back from his thoughts. He knew Taro had watched life creep away from Sakura's body and he knew for sure that Taro had enjoyed it. He didn't understand the man behind him. He had been watching Sakura's irises grow small, her posture slouch and her energy just fly away. For his boss it had been just entertainment whereas Kakashi had felt pain and desperate urge to fight for her life. Keep her safe and slaughter anyone who would dare to think about harming her.

Now the beautiful woman was lifeless and still hemorrhaging. The deep red blood was flowing from her wound in her chest, staining everything on its journey. Small rivers of blood had formed on her hands and legs. The red life source dripped from her fingertips to the floor forming small ponds.

Kakashi turned around to face him and nodded in response. He felt too sick to talk. But he was under orders to do whatever the man in front of him said…

Yes, he'd "get rid of the body", but not the way Taro expected him to. He would find a nice clearing and bury her. It was the least he could do. _'If it even matters anymore'_, he found himself thinking.

Sighing he turned around and looked at the kunoichi. He closed her eye lids and effortlessly lifted the lifeless body. Her body was still warm but for his dismay, it was limp. He knew she was dead but part of him had hoped for a reaction from the woman in his arms; a squeal and a punch to the face for picking her up from the chair or even a deathly glare. Anything except the nothing he received.

_The end of the prologue._

It all had happened three years ago and it still haunted him. There were two days he wished would stop existing; March 28th, her birthday and June 14th, the day she died. No, the day she was murdered.

Now it was once again March 28th and he was staring at the memorial stone. Haruno Sakura was etched into the plate and embossed in gold just like the other names. His eyes quickly found Rin and Obito's names. All his mistakes had been carved beautifully into a stone full of painful memories. A stone he went to every day. It was bittersweet above anything.

"She'd be twenty years old today", the Copy ninja heard Naruto's voice beside him. He didn't even bother to start wonder how his old student had crept upon him. He had improved a lot and at times, Kakashi couldn't take him out in their occasional spars.

"Yeah", the Copy ninja said absent mindedly.

"It's just us two… team seven. I wonder if the team's cursed", the blond ninja murmured in a thoughtful voice.

He had thought about that for years, too. Was his team cursed? But it wasn't the team that was cursed, if something was, it was Kakashi himself. Although he'd never admit it aloud, he knew it in every fiber in his body.

"How does a bowl or two bowls of ramen sound?" Naruto asked after a while, drawing Kakashi's attention.

"Sure, why not?" the older man said smiling. He hadn't even realized he had been hungry until now.

During the past years Konoha had changed more than a lot. It had lost a war against the Village hidden in the Mist; a lot of good ninjas had died and quite a few of the buildings in Konoha had burnt down. Tsunade had made a lot of effort to rebuild Konoha's old might, the army of ninjas and to restore the buildings; but as it seemed, many people had lost their spirits with the war.

It had all begun from a simple information inquiry mission gone wrong. Mist had sent some ninjas to Konoha to steal a few secret jutsus but Konoha had found out about it. At first, it had seemed like a political challenge, something that would be settled in a few weeks or so. As the weeks had passed, the situation had gotten blown out of proportion until it exploded… no, imploded.

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><p>Miki watched as a woman was sleeping on a hospital bed. He knew she wasn't exactly sleeping but it seemed hopeless to think that she was in a coma. He refused to give up on her as everyone else had. He had found her, he had done everything in his power to save her and now he did everything he could to find a way to bring her back to life.<p>

He knew she was a ninja. He sensed her presence, her chakra, but he didn't know how strong she was. He didn't know anything about her. He had found her, healed her as much as he could and he had taken her to the hospital. By pretending to be her boyfriend, he had only learned that her heart beat 59 times in a minute and that she wasn't allergic to anything. Yet she allured him.

Looking at the clock on the wall, he realized it was time for him to go on his assignment. He had spent too much time sitting next to her hospital bed once again. He glanced at her and got up from his chair.

Yet it was another day when she showed no signs of waking up. He wondered if she had just decided to stay asleep.

'_Stubborn woman'_, he thought smiling as he walked out of the door.

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><p><em>Everything was gray. The sky, rain, memorial stone and even the grass was losing its vibrant color. <em>

_Shoulders slumping, Kakashi was looking at the stone in front of him. His hands were stuffed deep into his pockets and he was breathing evenly. His eyes were fixed on Sakura's name. And, Sakura was standing next to him. He dared not to look at her. But he felt her there. Before he had the time to turn his head and look at her, she had already gripped his hand. She was holding it gently._

_Her hand was small and cold. But it was wet and as he looked to his right side where she was, he saw her shirt covered with red and all the blood was flowing from her chest to her hands, feet and to the ground. Red seemed to be the only color that wasn't turning gray._

"_When will you let go?" she asked suddenly. She was looking straight at him, her eyes locking on his._

_He didn't understand her question. He was about to let go of her hand as her grip on his tightened. "When will you let go?" she questioned again. There was more passion and anger in her voice as if she was desperate. As if she needed him to let go. Before he could ask anything, she vanished and he was alone in front of the memorial stone yet again. Looking down, his hand still remained stained with her blood. _

Kakashi woke up. Breathing heavily he threw the covers aside and rose from his bed. It was dim but his trained eyes adjusted to it quickly. He figured out it was sometime past 3 am and he had gotten to sleep for maybe an hour or two. He wondered if he could ever sleep again.

The floor was cold but he had gotten used to it. His apartment was never warm, it was always cool. He had never figured out why.

Strolling into his bathroom, he doused his face with cold water. Looking up he gazed at himself in the mirror above the sink. There were two eyes staring at him, one black and one red. His hands were gripping the sides of the sink.

The nights were always the worst. His ghosts never left him alone at nights. He was forced to watch his mistakes all over again and again until the morning light crept over the darkness. One thing he had figured out, he was losing it. He couldn't live with himself anymore that much was for sure. He had found himself thinking about his father and in a way, understanding his actions. Although, he knew he could never go as far, but nevertheless… he understood.

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><p><strong>Please tell me what you think. -danax<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Naruto.

When I wrote this chapter, I listenned to Kina Grannis' album the stairwells over and over again.

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><p><em>Large droplets of water pounded the ground, seeming as if they were punishing the earth for something. The sky was covered with dark clouds, looking like it was falling apart due to the heavy rain. The air was humid and thick, just breathing felt like suffocation. She was drenched and her clothes stuck to her skin as if glued. But she wasn't cold, the air was too warm for that.<em>

_She was looking at her teammates, Naruto and Kakashi, their backs toward her. Her former teacher's gravity defying hair was now plastered down, dripping wet. His shoulders were slumped and his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. They were at the memorial stone and this time the blond haired ninja had brought flowers. She was too far away to see what kind of flowers they were. _

_She began walking toward them but their distance remained. A little annoyed, she tried walking faster, harder. But no matter how fast she walked, it seemed to be impossible to reach the men. Getting frustrated, she screamed. The men didn't notice. She screamed again and they didn't even flinch. _

_After tiring herself of trying to get the men's attention, she slumped to the ground. Slowly, she began realizing the world she was in was a little different._

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><p>Morning light crept through the bedroom curtains. When it reached the Copy Ninja's closed eyes, he woke up. He was never a heavy sleeper and always the first one to wake. Seeing the room was still dim, he figured it was early. It had been the first night in weeks he had slept somewhat well. He was deprived from restful nights. Groaning he closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep again.<p>

"_Hiya_", he heard her voice. He was imagining her again. And, his imagination was set on not letting him sleep.

She had been haunting him ever since that night in the past. First, he had tried to fight it off and ignore her. But as time went forward and she didn't leave, he grew tired of ignoring. Truth be told, he was a lonely person. He was never alone, even if he was bound to an imaginary ghost-friend.

He chuckled and opened his eyes once again. His eyes searched for her though he was the only one on the bed. He caught a glimpse of something pink from the corner of his eye and turned his head to the open doorway. There she was. Her hair was in a messy bun and she was wearing an oversized shirt, no pants. She was smirking happily at him. "_Slept well?" _she asked.

"I think so", he answered. His voice was morning-ragged. He watched as she walked to the bed and sat next to him.

She pulled her legs up onto the mattress and grinned. "The floor's really cold, you know that right? You should get like a carpet or something…" she said.

"I don't buy carpets", he said but she had already vanished. He was thankful of seeing a nicer version of her. He wasn't sure how many more times he could watch her standing in front of her, still bleeding and eyes so watery. He fought the memories off since he needed his head as clear of thoughts as possible. He threw the duvet aside and got up from the bed. One thing his imagination had been dead right, the floor was cold. He was rarely cold or shivering but the floor sent a wave of shivers from heels and toes up to his neck. _Nothing that hot coffee won't fix._

He picked a pair of sweatpants from the floor and put them on. He took a white tank top from the never used armchair. The only reason he hadn't gotten rid of it was because it was a good place to keep his clothes. It was placed against the wall opposite of his bed. He made his way to kitchen and to the coffee maker and put some coffee grounds and water in it and turned it on.

"_Maybe I'm weird but I've always loved the sound of coffee maker"_, she said. Now she was sitting on a kitchen stair and looking past him, out of the window. He had no time to response as the doorbell rang and she vanished away. For a moment, he stared at where she had been moment ago. He wondered why she was not tormenting him as usual. It was rare for her to be so full of life. The doorbell rang again disrupting his thoughts.

"Hey, come on, I sense your chakra there!" he heard Naruto saying behind the door. He went to open the door for his friend. "Finally", the blond haired man said and stepped inside. He closed the door behind him and took his sandals off.

"Yo", Kakashi answered and walked back to the coffee maker.

"We got a mission", Naruto said and went to sit on the chair the ghost of Sakura had sat just moments ago. The Copy Ninja waited for him to continue. "An assassination mission in Water country."

Country of Water was one of the places he didn't want to go back to. But he was a ninja and he did as the Hokage said. "We just go there, get it over with and come back", the younger ninja continued. Naruto knew the outlines of what happened back then and to some extent, he knew it wasn't easy for Kakashi to go back.

Over the years, Naruto had changed. He had become quieter, more serious, and thoughtful. Although he never had lost his optimism or liveliness, he had changed remarkably. He still had his hyper energetic moments and he never lost his dreams or hope. But losing two of his closest friends to death was bound to change him.

"When?" Kakashi simply asked as he took two mugs from the cupboard in front of him.

"Tomorrow."

"Coffee?" he asked after he had poured the black liquid to both of the mugs. The question was futile, the younger ninja never passed up coffee.

"Sure."

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><p><em>Sakura's mind was racing. She wanted desperately to go home. She felt like she was trapped in a nightmare. She had tried all possible ways to wake herself up. She had pinched herself, she had tried willing herself to wake up and she had even gone as far as slapping herself. Nothing worked. For a minute or two, she had believed she was in a genjutsu of some kind and she had tried every kind of technique she knew to free herself from it. But there she was, like a bird in a cage.<em>

_The men had left the memorial stone some time ago. She didn't know how long she had been there since she was sure her sense of time was betraying her. It wasn't raining anymore but the air was still musky, warm and she was sure she'd suffocate soon if she stayed there for too long. She was sitting on the wet grass. She ripped the green blades from the earth and threw them and did it all again. _

"_Where am I?" she asked aloud for the millionth time. But no one answered and an eerie silence surrounded her once again. Her thoughts were consumed by questions but one of them rose above them all, what time is it? How long have I been here?_

_She tried to remember the last time she had been in the real world. Her memories were hazy, she remembered her childhood, adolescence and teenage years. But trying to go back to the freshest memories seemed to be impossible. She remembered getting a mission from Tsunade, she remembered it was in the Country of Water and she was supposed to gather information and report back. After that it was all black emptiness. _

"_Why can't I remember?" she cried aloud. _

_o-x-o-x_

"Her brain activity has increased during the past few days", a nurse notified to the man sitting next to Sakura's hospital bed. "She might wake up soon", she continued as she was filling the patient chart.

"And if she won't?" the man asked in a worried tone. He had been the one to rescue her and he was paying the hospital to keep her there monitored and observed. The head hospital had for some time now suggested that maybe she wasn't supposed to wake up anymore that she had lived a full life already. There were a lot of people who needed the room more than the pink haired woman did.

The nurse was silent. They had had the conversation before and both of them knew what she would've said.

He placed his hand on top of the pink haired woman's hand and squeezed it gently. "Wake up", he pleaded her. He wasn't going to let someone decide her life was over.

Miki's eyes drifted around the room and settled on the view that the big window granted. The sun was shining and it colored the world with vibrant shades. He was worried, he was assigned to a new mission, which meant he couldn't watch out for the pink haired woman. He wasn't sure how long the mission would take and he was afraid they would make a haste decision regarding the unknown woman with no one defending for her. For some reason, he was drawn to her.

"Can you do something for me?" he asked quietly from the nurse. He thought she looked trustworthy, she had a kind smile and even kinder brown eyes. Her nametag said "Mimi".

"I guess. What is it?" she asked.

"I'm off to a mission tomorrow and I need to know someone will vouch for her while I'm gone." He knew he was testing thin ice with this but he needed to know that the unknown woman would be kept safe 'til he came back.

The nurse sighed and glanced at the woman. She bit her lower lip and turned her gaze to Miki.

"She has no one except me", he continued, pleading her.

"Fine, but you owe me big one", she said sighing. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "But you need to come back fast. If she doesn't wake up in a few weeks…"

"I know, I know. I owe you, Mimi", Miki said. She smiled a little and left the room.

-x-o-x-o

_Still on the wet ground, she was deeply concentrating on her memories. She was sure there was a key in her memories which would help her get out of the twisted world. Her eyes were closed and she was sat in a lotus position, her hands behind her while leaning on them a little. _

_With her memories, she had gotten as far as leaving for the mission. She remembered packing up a few essentials and leaving in the morning. She had run most of the way to the harbor and within a few stops she had reached it in less than two days. She recalled how she had been proud of herself of reaching the port in record time. But after reaching port, her memories were in bits and pieces covered with dark haze. She wasn't sure what memory was a dream and what had been real. Also, she wasn't able to put the small remnants of her memories to in chronological order. _

_Sharp pain cut through her brain and she had to stop searching for clues in her mind. She let her back fall to the ground and she looked at the sky. It had changed its color into bright orange and red, like flames. _

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><p><strong>Yay! -danax<strong>_  
><em>


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own Naruto.

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><p><em>The pink haired ninja was still sitting on the ground at the memorial site. She hadn't even bothered trying to go anywhere. She wanted to concentrate on what had happened and how she had gotten there, than trying to run aimlessly and getting absolutely nowhere.<em>

_Her mind began to fill with images and few second long scenes which she believed to be memories. She had a piercing headache. She'd come to the conclusion that her subconscious was trying to shield her from something with the pain. The more she thought about it like that, the more certain she became with every passing second. Of course, she would suffer almost any kind of pain in order to get out of her twisted world. Desperate and homesick, she was ready to cut off one of her limbs in order to wake up in her bed at home. She would have to force the moments from long ago to the surface; she would force her way out of there._

_She glanced up the sky; it had changed its color again. Now it was a hypnotizing mixture of green and gray. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on clearing her mind and going back into her memories._

_FLASHBACK_

_Harsh concrete walls were closing on her. Her eyes searched for an escape from the situation but there were no windows. She would have to watch them, watch him killing her. Closing her eyes and escaping to an imaginary scenery would make her look weak. She would face the situation; she would face her death just as it came. She was thankful it was Kakashi who'd be taking her life, she knew he'd be careful but most of all, she wouldn't be dying alone. She would be dying in the arms of someone who cared for her and that was all anyone could ask for._

'_Please, please, please, don't blame yourself. I'm the one who got caught, not you', she thought and stared in his eyes. She hoped he would get her silent message but she knew it was a false hope. The sadness and regret in his eyes confirmed it, he would never let go of this moment._

_The fleeting last seconds of her life, she tried to hold on everything. She breathed in the musky air, her eyes searched for pretty colors from the room, finally settling on the black orb staring back at her. _

_Her blood was full of adrenaline and her senses were on alert._

_He leaned a bit closer and she bit her lower lip. She knew it'd come soon, it being her death. A thought popped into her mind, something she had read somewhere that a human body could survive for about 15 seconds without a beating heart. If he plunged the kunai a little off from her heart, she might have a few seconds more than that. But she knew she couldn't start gathering chakra already or the man in the back of the room would notice her trying to escape. The Copy ninja would most likely have to stab her several times and she'd be the human model of a pin cushion. _

"_I'm so sorry", he said so quietly it was hard to make out the words. But nonetheless, she heard him right._

_There was a sharp pain in her chest. She had never felt anything like it, the pain in her chest was screaming one word; death. Slowly but surely she began gathering chakra in her heart in order to postpone her death or even save herself. She knew it wouldn't save her but she couldn't die not trying._

_Healing herself inwardly wasn't something she was even remotely good at. Yes, she knew how to heal really small wounds by gathering her chakra in different points inside of her body. But healing a stabbed heart… she wasn't even sure it was possible._

_Her thoughts became hazy and she felt cold._

_THE END OF THE FLASHBACK_

_All the feelings of terror and desperation made her cry aloud. Hastily she pushed down her shirt and she saw just what she was afraid to see, a pink scar just where her heart was. _

_She let her hands fall on her sides as the emotions took her over. She sobbed so hard it became difficult to breathe._

_But as she had forced one memory to surface, she was bound to relive another one._

_FLASHBACK_

_She was watching herself being carried somewhere in the darkness. It was something of an out of body experience._

_Her form was lifeless in the Copy Ninja's arms and they both were stained by her dark red blood. He walked slowly and evenly and in the dim light she could see that he was holding her very carefully. It hurt her to see him that sad._

_She walked behind him and watched as he picked a place for her body._

_THE END OF THE FLASHBACK_

"_Please stop", she cried aloud, "No more. I don't want to know!"_

_She was gasping for air and wiped her face dry with her hands. There was a moment of peace before a new wave of desperation and sadness washed over her and she couldn't hold back the tears._

_She was terrified. She had no idea where she was or if she was even alive. But gradually as her crying calmed and rational thoughts gained space from her terror, she began to realize she couldn't be in hell. After all, sitting on a grass alone didn't fit the description of hell. There were no flames and no pain apart from her headache. She also knew for sure she wasn't in heaven. Then where was she?_

_She understood that she hadn't died when Kakashi had thought she did. There had been a small spark of life somewhere in her but too small for the Copy Ninja to notice it. Had he known, he would've saved her._

_She dried the last of her tears with the back of her hands and breathed in deeply in order to regain control of herself and her emotions._

_FLASHBACK_

_It was so dark, she couldn't see. She didn't know if it was because there was no light or if her eyes were closed. Too tired to think straight, she was sure she'd fall asleep in a second or two._

_She felt a change in the gravity. Something cold was pressed on her back or her back was pressed on something cold. She was too exhausted to try and think about what happened around her, all she wanted to do was sleep._

_There was warm tingling all over her body. It was soothing and everything else disappeared._

_THE END OF THE FLASHBACK_

_There wasn't a rush of emotions this time. She was in control. She knew she could figure it out, she had to._

"_Sakura, you can do this", she tried to reassure herself. "Okay... so, I get caught, Kakashi tries to kill me. And then what?"_

_She was talking to herself in order to help her understand what had exactly happened. She ran her fingers through her hair and breathed in deeply. She held her breath for a second and let it out._

"_I'm alive?" she wondered aloud._

_She remembered feeling the warmth tingling in her body and if in a normal state of mind, she would not have recognized it immediately. It had been healing chakra, which meant someone had begun healing her and chances were that she was still alive._

"_It's either alive or in limbo", she thought aloud and looked up to the green and gray sky._

_Sakura never considered herself as a person who believed in afterlife so she dismissed the thought of being in limbo. The only thing she believed in was karma and she was a good person, she had done good things so good things were bound to her._

_The conventional methods of trying to wake up hadn't worked. All the ways to break a genjutsu hadn't worked. She had also noticed that whenever she tried to concentrate on her chakra, it seemed to be really far away and it was almost impossible to gather it up. But she hadn't even heard or read anything regarding not being able to access chakra completely. She only knew that people who were trapped in their own bodies or minds couldn't access and control their chakras. Realization hit her like a ton of bricks and part by part the puzzle revealed itself._

_She had lost consciousness after being stabbed. Her brain had to have suffered injury from not getting enough oxygen while she had been bleeding out onto Kakashi. And she had a hazy memory of having someone healing her and she hadn't woken up from that. She had lost her consciousness and due to the damage to her brain, her body had decided to stay unconscious in order to prevent future injury. Her body or brain, to be exact, didn't know how to wake up. It was a text-book state of coma._

_Sadly, the textbooks never told her how to wake up from one._

_She had tried all the possible physical methods in order to wake herself up so the only method left was mental._

_Glancing at the memorial site, she saw that no one was there. Slowly, she got up from the grass and began walking to the big stone. This time, the distance between them grew smaller and smaller with every step she took. The only difference from her try before was that she wasn't trying to reach anyone this time, she was just walking._

_Upon reaching the stone, she let her fingers trace the outlines of people's names. Each of the letters were carefully carved and painted with gold. Old carvings had lost their gold chip, by chip._

_Sadness took over her as she saw familiar surnames and the names of close friends. The war took so much away from her. First, before the war, she lost Sasuke. When the war began ninjas started dying like flies, Tenten, Chouji, Rei... and the list just went on. As she read the names slowly, thinking of each and every one of her lost friends for a couple of minutes, her eyes soon locked with one particular name. Haruno Sakura. _

_She was no hero. She had failed her mission, forced her teacher to kill her and had caused so much pain. But the thing that bothered her more was the fact that the gold in her name had been chipped away quite a lot. The o in Haruno was the last letter fully golden. The rest of them were partly glistening with hints of yellow here and there. Her name had been on the stone over a year maybe even several years. She was dead to the world, had been for some time and it made her wonder if the world would welcome her back with open arms or would she be rejected as a traitor._

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><p>Hope you liked it!<em><br>_


	4. Chapter 4

**Still don't own Naruto. **

**Here's a list of songs that inspired me as writing this chapter: Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode, A Drop in the Ocean - Ron Pope, Welcome Home - Radical Face and Skinny Love by Bon Iver**_  
><em>

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><p><em>FLASHBACK<em>

_The bright sunshine and birds chirping happily didn't do any justice for the day. On the contrary, it seemed like Mother Nature was mocking it. _

_The memorial site was full of people all clad in black. Some of them were crying, others were just quiet; there were no words to describe the atmosphere. _

_It struck him to see how many people had actually come. He had had no idea how many friends she had had. Yes, he had known how sweet and adorable she could be and how easily she had made friends but he didn't expect so many people who hardly knew her to care. He had learnt the hard way that the world and the people that were in it were cold. Nobody cared. Now, why were all of these people here? Did they know her at all?_

_But seeing Naruto, Tsunade, Shizune and some close friends to her, he knew there were people who really cared. All of them had lost something, a teammate, friend, co-worker or an acquaintance. She had been all of those things._

_He was standing behind the people clustered around the site, all huddled around the flowers people had brought. He shouldn't be there. He looked down to the ground. But as much as he felt like his presence was a disgrace, he couldn't bare himself to leave. He wasn't the kind of person who believed in being forgiven sins such as murder but he hoped she knew that he truly was sorry. Thinking back, he would've done it all different._

_The ceremony started with Tsunade thanking the people. She gave a speech but he didn't listen. He already knew what she would say. How Sakura had been dear to all of them, how she would never really be gone and how she would become part of the circle of life. To him, all that was bullshit. No matter how he thought about her and kept her memory alive, she would still be dead, brutally murdered. No matter how someone believed she'd born again as a butterfly, that bug would never be Sakura. Never. _

_He closed his eyes and rolled his hands into tight fists, trying to contain his anger. He was thinking about leaving and letting the training grounds feel his rage, he was ready to bolt. But as he opened his eyes and watched as the Hokage placed a single white rose on the stone, he saw her. He'd recognize that pink hair anywhere, anytime. _

_She was standing next to Tsunade. She was wearing a white dress which was stained with blood. It was a bright contrast to the other people dressed in black. It was as if she shone. She was looking at him. His stomach was in knots and he was sure he'd throw up and faint soon. Unable to move, he just stood there returning her gaze. _

_One by one, the people left more flowers at the stone but Kakashi stood immobilized. He didn't understand why he was seeing her or why she wouldn't let his gaze wander off. Her lips were moving and he was sure she was trying to tell him something but he couldn't make out the words. She was too far away and there were too many people walking past her, blocking her from his view. _

_THE END OF THE FLASHBACK_

Kakashi woke up in sweat. He was breathing unevenly. The dreams of past always took their toll on him. It wasn't easy to go over certain memories. In his dreams, he relived them.

He sat up and realized he was looking straight into her green eyes. Her eyes were glistening with tears and her were cheeks wet. "Kakashi, you've gotta help me", she cried quietly. His heart clenched. She was hugging her knees as if to shield her heart. "I think someone's trying to kill me", she continued.

He couldn't say anything. How could he tell her, it was he, himself, who killed her? He just stared her in silence.

Her posture changed, she began leaning forward and before he could move, her hands were on his and she was leaning on him. So close. But there was no warmth in her, her hands were cold, she was cold. "You've gotta help me. I wanna go home."

"Sakura", he said silently. That was all he was able to say.

On the other side of the room, Naruto coughed in his sleep and she was gone.

He looked at the unfamiliar ceiling above him. They were on the boat and they'd be in Water Country in the morning. Naruto's soft snoring wouldn't allow him to fall asleep again. It was dim and he figured it was around 5 am so there would be a few hours before landing on shore.

He closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. His past hadn't gotten in the way of completing missions before, but alas, he was afraid it inevitably would. He needn't the ghosts disturbing him.

Silently, he got up from the bed and adjusted his mask and headband. He walked out of the cabin and into the fresh morning sea-air.

It was windy and drizzling a little. The clouds were blue and gray but they were far away from being storm clouds. He sauntered to the banister, and gripping it tightly he gazed at the sea below him trying to erase her face from his mind. He tried to concentrate on the deep blue. "Please… stop", he breathed out quietly.

x-o-x-o

_Sakura was walking in the empty streets of her dream-world-Konoha. It felt like a ghost town. It was creeping her out and in that weird world, she wasn't a ninja, she was just a girl. Defenseless. _

_She had gone to her apartment but only to find out that her home was no longer there anymore. It was just an empty space in the middle of the town. After the shock of not having a home she had decided to go and find Naruto's apartment. It was there but it was completely empty. No Naruto, no stuff, no furniture. _

_She didn't understand where everything and everyone had disappeared to. _

_She had gone to Kakashi's apartment also, but that had been just as empty as Naruto's place had been. It felt stupid to try to figure something out in order to wake up if the whole world was deserted. She was growing more and more fearful of what she'd find. _

"_Okay… back to the memorial site?" she wondered aloud and turned around. The memorial site had become somewhat a base for her. It's where she started trying to figure out the weird world and it was the only place that wasn't creeping her out… much. _

_A person rushed past her running. For a minute she was dumbfounded, it was the first person she had seen since she saw Kakashi and Naruto. She felt like she didn't want to be alone, she followed him. _

_He wasn't a fast runner but she wasn't a ninja anymore. It took some effort to keep up with him. He was leading her down the main road through Konoha and she wondered if they, or he, was going to the memorial site. He was wearing black pants and black shirt. From what she could tell, he was an average looking guy in his early twenties. Nothing special. She was becoming frustrated with her subconscious; she didn't understand why the unknown man was the only person in the deserted town or even why he was running. How could a person she had never seen in her life be important in order to get out of there? She was becoming unsure if she would ever wake up._

_She looked up the sky and the sun was shining. It was the first time it had shined in her dream world. The sky was cerulean blue, her favorite color. _

_The man stopped and stared in front of him. Sakura saw a crowd of people further away from him. They were all facing the direction she stood and were all dressed in black. She slowly walked closer. The people were either looking at Tsunade, the memorial stone or at the ground but no one seemed to notice her. She saw some of the people quietly speaking but there was no sound. She had never heard silence so loud. _

_She walked next to Tsunade and looked around the scenery. It was a memorial service of some kind. Naruto and Neji were a few meters away from her. And then she saw him, Kakashi. He was at the back of the assembly, meters away from the last people in the crowd. He looked unsure of himself. _

_She squinted trying to see better but her vision didn't improve any. "Why is he so far away? Who are we mourning for?" she asked herself. But immediately after asking, she realized how stupid her questions had been. _

_He stared at her. _

_Sakura's heart jumped. He could see her? How was that possible? She couldn't help but stare at him back. She was too afraid to look away. Maybe she'd stop existing if she looked away. It seemed as if he was just as surprised to see her as she was surprised to be seen. "Oh my god", she said. Her heart was pounding and her hands were sweating. "Oh my god", her vocabulary was reduced to those three words. _

_But the people around the site started dropping flowers on the stone. They were blocking her view. She rose to her toes but it didn't better her view at all. Next to her appeared a little girl with pink hair. She was holding a blue worn-out teddy and she was extending her small hand to Sakura's._

_Looking carefully at the teddy, she realized it was Bakemon. It used to be her favorite toy growing up. She named it after a monster thinking that if there already was one "monster" in her room, there wasn't room for any other. At the time, it had been genius from her since it had worked. _

_She took her younger self's hand. "Come with me", the little girl said._

_Sakura looked around trying to find Kakashi but there were too many people surrounding them. She wanted to go and talk to him. _

"_Why could he see me?" the older girl asked._

"_I don't know. You should know. You've been here before."_

_Her younger self walked fast considering she had short legs not to mention she was almost two decades younger than the adult Sakura was. "What's the hurry?" the older woman asked._

"_We don't want to be late."_

_Sakura was extremely confused. She didn't remember being there before. She was sure she would've remembered if she had been at her memorial service before. _

x-o-x-o-x

Kakashi and Naruto were standing side by side, peering the approaching port from the bow of the boat. It was as magnificent as before the war. There were dozens of docks, two enormous ships docked and plenty of smaller boats as well. People were shuffling about buying fish from the fishermen and other groceries in the market. The marketplace was just a little further inland from the port just some meters away.

The air had cleared few hours before reaching the land. Now the seagulls were crying for food in the bare blue sky. Even with the fall coming, the sun succeeded in warming the air enough for the people to wear t-shirts.

Naruto had been there a few times in his life and each and every one of those times, the harbor amazed him. He hadn't been there since the war. Not since he lost his best friend. Thus, there was no sign of the war, not in the scenery, shops or in the people. He wished the same for Konoha. He figured that completing missions would grant some money to his beloved village, which would help to rebuild it again to its former glory. So, for the time being, he was more than happy in doing his part.

He glanced at his former teacher who hadn't spoken a word since the night before when they had gone over the basics over their targets. He was worried about his old friend but sadly, there was nothing he could do about it. All the years he had known Kakashi, he was never the one to talk about what was going on in his life. Something told him, his old teacher wouldn't be changing his ways anytime soon and talk.

"Let's go", the blond man said. The Copy Ninja barely nodded in agreement.

Their targets were living in a town next to the harbor; getting there would take an hour or so. In Naruto's estimate, they'd be done by nightfall, could grab something to eat and go home by the same boat in the morning.

They had their civilian clothes on and they both had changed their appearances a little. Kakashi's hair was different, his both eyes were visible and there was no mask. Naruto on the other hand had just changed his hair. The Fire and Water countries weren't in the best terms and the last thing they needed was to be exposed as ninjas from Konoha.

Heading east from the port, they were soon in an inhabited area and it was safe to leap in trees from branch to branch. The younger ninja was leading the way and Kakashi was following.

Naruto wanted to go and see Sakura's grave before leaving though he had no idea where it was. And, he had no idea how to present his idea to the Copy Ninja. He missed her and he just wanted to see that her final resting place was peaceful. Truthfully, he wanted to be near to her. He needed some time to think how he would ask Kakashi to go back there. He needed to think if he even could ask him to do that.

Noticing that the trees began growing sparse and there was a clearing a head, Naruto slowed down. They were getting close.

A meadow surrounded a two story house. Some flowers were still blooming about it but most of them had withered away with the summer. The forest around had changed its color into flame-like colors; different shades of yellow, red and orange.

"Sonoda Takeo", Naruto said quietly to his teammate, "long black hair, he's 43 years old and the oldest male in the house." He was going through their target's information aloud, "Retired ninja from the Hidden Village of Mist."

"Why both of us?" the older ninja asked.

"The client asked for two skilled ninjas."

"Whatever they want, whatever they want", Kakashi muttered quietly.

With masked presences, they crept silently closer to the house. They needed to find out how many people were in the house. The closer they got to the house, the more sure they were that Takeo was alone.

The two men had been working on missions together for a long time. Having grown into a pattern of how missions were completed, the ninjas didn't need to communicate verbally as much anymore.

Naruto felt Takeo's presence on the first floor. Kakashi crept to the back of the house and the younger ninja went in from the west-side of the house. He slunk into the kitchen, it was very rustic and far from being fancy with the normal kitchen equipment and a fireplace. The floors were made of wood and the blond ninja watched his step, Takeo needn't know there were intruders. He reached into his left leg pocket and slipped a kunai into his palm while flitting through a hallway to a den. The den was continuance to the hallway; there were large doorways on both sides of the room but no doors. After the doorway the room became wider. There were some bookshelves and a mahogany desk in the middle of the room. Takeo was sitting by the desk.

Naruto couldn't see Kakashi but knew he was near. During missions, he was always near and he always had his back. After her death, Kakashi had been very protective of him.

Slowly and cautiously, he moved closer to the man. He drove the kunai through Takeo's back up through his chest. He pulled the kunai out of him as fast as he had plunged it in earning a spatter of blood on his clothes.

"Maybe you should clean yourself up before we leave", Kakashi chuckled. He was standing on the other side of the room reading his orange book.

Naruto simply rolled his eyes at him. He walked back to the kitchen where he had come from. First he rinsed his weapon from the blood and dried it before putting it back to his pocket. He washed his face, hands and neck and decided it'd be a good idea to change clothes or appearances. No need to raise suspicions.

Sakura came back to his mind. He really wanted to see her resting place. He knew they'd be on their way soon and he would have to just ask him. "Kakashi", he said quietly. He was sitting by the kitchen table still holding the book though now he was looking at Naruto with a raised eyebrow.

"Is her grave somewhere near here?" he felt stupid the moment he had said his question aloud.

The Copy ninja stared at his old student. Naruto couldn't decipher his stare. He only waited for an answer.

"Yes", the older man answered finally.

"Can we go and see her?" Naruto hadn't felt that stupid in ages. He wondered if this was how children felt asking their parents for permission to go somewhere. Kakashi nodded.

x-o-x-o

In three years, the landscape had hardly changed. The Copy Ninja still knew the forest and towns nearby. He had been there for so long.

They had headed west from their target's house. Running, it only took half an hour to get there.

It was still a bright a day, the sun casted vibrant shades of gold to the nature around them. They reached another meadow full of sun flowers. It looked like a sea of gold. There were some birch trees around the meadow framing small pathways. In the midst of all the flowers was a big maple tree. Its leaves were turning red and brown.

The ninjas slowed their pace and walked through the sea of flowers to the tree. A few meters away, Kakashi stopped and just stared at the tree. He had seen it thousands of times and he had spent hours and hours there talking to her.

"Here?" Naruto asked.

"Yes."

The older ninja watched as his old student walked closer to the tree.

_FLASHBACK_

_His hands were gripping hard on the frail body on his arms. He walked slowly because for the first time in his life, he couldn't see straight or trust his step. It was dim and the only source of light was the moon above him. __His vision was blurry. _

_The scent of iron hung in the air around them. Her body was getting colder with every passing second. _

_His thoughts were in shambles, his senses were dull. He was sure he was losing his mind because he could still feel her presence. He could feel her heartbeat through the fabrics. But he had checked it from her carotid artery and there had been no pulse. _

_He was walking to a clearing with one big maple tree. He remembered Sakura saying that she liked maple trees. Reaching the tree, he carefully laid the body on the ground. _

_The mask he was wearing felt damp and constricting. He was sure he was choking. He ripped it and threw it away. _

_How could have he let this happen? How could he bury her? She had her whole life ahead of her. He would've traded places with her in a heartbeat. He had no life ahead of him, he had no friends, and he only had regrets. _

_He looked up the moon and howled. _

_THE END OF THE FLASHBACK_

"You know… no one blames you", Naruto's voice brought him back from his memories. He stared at his friend unable to talk. "I don't blame you", he continued with a quiet voice, "but it doesn't mean I don't wish she was still alive. I do, every day."

Kakashi was too stunned to comprehend his friend's words let alone answer.

He let his eyes drift to the tree before them. He had carved something on it. He could still make out the traces where his kunai had broken the wood's surface. "All attempts have failed. For Sakura, forever ago"

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><p><strong>AN: I had a little bit of trouble in deciding what the carved words on the tree would be. As Kakashi wrote: All attemps have failed (that's from Switchfoot's song - Yet). For Sakura, Forever Ago (that's basically the name of Bon Iver's album: For Emma, forever ago)**. **Naruto's line: You were never supposed to leave, it's from Welcome Home by Radical Face. Anywho, thanks for reading! -danax  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

I Don't own Naruto.

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><p><em>The young girl led Sakura through the shopping district to her old apartment. <em>

_It was just the way she remembered it. It was a two-room flat and although it wasn't big, she didn't have a lot of furniture so it looked spacey. The curtains on the window in the kitchen were half closed letting some sunlight filter in. _

"_Am I in for another memory?" Sakura asked her younger self._

"_I think so."_

_Little Sakura led the older one to the bedroom; she was in for quite a surprise. She watched herself as she healed a profusely bleeding Kakashi who was sprawled out on her bed. She could see pearls of sweat forming on her temples and rolling down to her shoulders and arms. The Copy Ninja on the other hand was unconscious and hemorrhaging from his abdomen and shoulder._

_It was weird being with her younger self and past self in the same room, at the same time. _

_She remembered that day. It was the very first time her old teacher had knocked on her bedroom window. It seems he had figured out a way to avoid hospitals. Immediately after knocking on the window, he had collapsed and she had to jump out the window after him to save him from the fall. After having softened his fall and carrying him back up to the third floor, she had spent an hour healing him. _

_She was 17 years old at the time. She had been so scared for his life, she had never seen him in that bad of shape. And she had been extremely surprised that he had come to her and hadn't gone to the hospital in the first place. _

_Thinking back, she realized after that morning everything had begun to slowly change; they had become more familiar and with every passing day, even closer. Less than year after that, they were already close friends._

_But her internal memory shuddered to a stop of her healing him. She wondered why it ended so abruptly._

_She watched her past self, still so concentrated on saving her former teacher's life; and then watched herself slip onto the floor as unconscious as the Copy Ninja before her. _

"_I used too much chakra", she spoke aloud. She still didn't understand why that memory was important. She was about to ask her younger self but the little girl had already vanished. _

_She stared at the empty space where the girl had been, there was only Bakemon left. She picked it up from the wooden floor and looked back at the bed. Now the past-Kakashi and her past self had vanished also. "Creepyyyy." _

-x-o-x-o

Kakashi stood observing from afar as the blond ninja was carving his own message onto the tree. He let Naruto take his time since he wasn't in the talking mood. He was contemplating on his friend's words earlier. He had taken it for granted that everyone blamed him. Thinking about it on Naruto's perspective, he wouldn't have blamed himself either. Though, he dismissed that thought almost immediately. There was no point in fighting against reality.

It was natural for anyone to expect more of themselves than from others. The Copy Ninja was no exception to that rule.

He tried to dismiss the dark thoughts that normally consumed his mind. He needn't another memory to be triggered and turned into a flashback he couldn't resist. The meadow held so many moments in the past. His darkest moments had happened there.

He watched as his old student put the kunai back in his pocket and turned around facing him, all ready to go. Wondering what the younger ninja carved on the old wood, he raised his eyebrow as a silent question.

"You were never supposed to leave", Naruto stated, grinning and began walking away from the tree. He fell silent after that and Kakashi was grateful for it.

He glanced at the tree once before turning around seeing something pink on the ground but didn't look back. He jogged to the younger man and they headed to the harbor.

The return to the port was fast. They leapt from tree to tree whenever it was possible and ran along the walkways when the trees grew sparse. They hardly talked and they had no breaks. It was as if they silently decided to get home as soon as possible. Whether it was due to being home sick or needing some time to reminisce about their former teammate, they never spoke about it.

People from the marketplace had gone back to their warm houses as the air had gotten remarkably colder. It was getting dark but with the help of the moon in the bare sky, the street lamps kept the streets alight.

Fortunately, they were just in time for the last boat to the Fire Country. Taking the last boat meant they'd be on sea during the night. The sea was known for storming during these nights. It had always been suspected there was a hidden village in the Wave Country where they forced storms to break after sunset so unwanted people couldn't land in the dark of the night.

-x-o-x-o

_After stepping outside of her apartment, she had found herself on the green grass of the memorial site. It was empty and the eerie silence pushed through her like an old ghost. Knowing she was just inside of her head, she still felt very alone. She missed having company, even if it was just her subconscious she had been talking to. _

_Slowly, she walked to the stone taking in the scenery around her. Trees around the area grew high, hiding the setting sun. There were no birds in the sky or trees to make any noise; the only sound came from her breathing in and out. She got the feeling that all life had deserted the town. _

_She had no idea how long she had been trapped inside of her mind. She had tried to pinpoint the moment when the world had changed from real to imaginative but she had no idea. First, she had thought that trapped inside of her own mind was better than complete darkness but now she wasn't so sure anymore. Truthfully, her mind scared her. _

_She wondered if Kakashi would be there at the stone. No, she hoped he would be there and she hoped he would see her. And, she waited just staring at the old stone. _

_Someone did come but it wasn't her old teacher. It was herself some years back. She was running and tears were flowing from her eyes. She was wearing her Jounin outfit which had some blood stains on it. _

_Just as if she was ghost, transparent and formless, her past self ran through her and fell on the ground next to the stone. She was crying hopelessly, gasping for air and again, crying her heart out. _

_Sakura remembered that day too well. It had been after a mission and after her first kill. Once upon a time, she had sworn to protect and preserve all life. And during that mission, she had been forced to kill an enemy. Yes, she had done it for all the right reasons, she had saved a comrade that day but nonetheless, she had taken someone's life. _

_Killing was never easy. It was a hard lesson. Studying in the academy or with Kakashi or with Tsunade never prepared her for that. Watching someone's eyes turn lifeless and feel the warmth of their blood on her hands. _

_It wasn't long 'til the silver haired man came to the site. He said nothing, he just stood next to her. _

_One year after that, she had become ANBU. After every tough mission, she had gone straight to him. _

_Then a very unexpected thing happened; Kakashi turned around to face the present Sakura. He was looking straight at her and slowly, he took a few steps so he was close enough to touch her. _

"_You need to wake up", he said quietly and placed his hands on her shoulders. His hands didn't fall through her as if she had no form. They were warm and gripped her shoulders. _

"_Wake up, Sakura", he said again, more sternly this time._

_She was too confused to answer anything._

"_Wake up", he said louder and shook her shoulders a little._

_-x-o-x-o_

Mimi walked around the pink haired woman's room. It was the only room in the hospital; she could go to and just think. Nobody bothered her there. The head of the hospital Kato Kai, had been all over her case since the morning. He had been trying to get Mimi to convince Miki to let go of the unknown woman. Her status had barely changed during the past three years. Three months was a long time for monitoring a comatose patient but three year was outstanding and according to Kai, unacceptable. He had said that even with the increased brain activity, the pink haired woman was a lost cause. And now, Mimi had given her word to someone to fight for her.

She was too absent minded to notice that the woman was breathing unevenly and fidgeting in her deep sleep.

She walked to the window and pressed her forehead against the cold glass. She closed her eyes and tried to think a way out of the mess. She just hoped the woman would wake up and the problem would be gone. After doing some research about coma, she had tried reading and talking to the woman. But there had been hardly any change. Slowly, she was starting to believe that the lady was a lost cause. Not everyone was meant to be saved.

"What am I to do?" she asked herself. She pulled back from the glass and lightly hit her forehead back against it. She repeated the whole process again now hitting her a little harder on the window. It was just a way to express her frustration, it didn't hurt. She did it once again and realized if someone saw her, the person would think she's gone insane. Being the new nurse and a little eccentric was hard enough; she didn't need to be categorized as crazy, too.

She turned around and was ready to storm out of the room. Glancing at the patient on the bed, her heart almost dropped. Her eyes were open. Mimi heard the heart monitor beeping in time with the woman's heartbeat. The pauses between the beeps were getting shorter and shorter.

'_Holy shit, what do I do?'_ the nurse panicked. She rushed to the bedside and took the woman's hand in hers. Everything she had learned in her pre-med school flew out of the window.

"You're okay. You're in a hospital in the Country of Water", Mimi said still holding gently the woman's hand, "just breathe. Breathe. It's going to be okay."

The pauses between the beeps were getting back to normal. Her own heartbeat had gone through the roof also and she noticed it was slowing down also. The woman was staring at her with her jade green eyes. "You're going to be alright. You've been comatose for three years now. You won't be able to speak, yet, so don't try."

She knew she should get a doctor to see the woman. She let go of the woman's hand and the green eyed woman's heartbeat rose again. Mimi placed her hand above the woman's and smiled, "I'm just going to get the doctor to check up on you. I'm just the nurse, you see. But I'll be back. I promise."

Sakura was stunned. Never ever in her life before had she felt so helpless and alone.

She could hardly see since the room was so bright. She was sure she'd turn blind soon from the brightness but she didn't feel like closing her eyes either. She could hear well. She had heard the nurse's words well and it had been comforting. But now the room was full of different voices and noises and she couldn't tell them apart. She figured out there were doctors and nurses there to see her, but she wasn't sure since she couldn't fully rely on her senses, yet.

A brighter light was pointed in her left eye and she knew the doctor was checking that her lenses were clear. She was glad for being a medic, she knew if she wasn't, she would've been freaking out. But now, she could relax since she knew what was to come. She let her mind slip into something between of daydreaming and thinking.

-x-o-x-o

Naruto was walking from the Hokage tower to Ichiraku's. Tsunade had given him a long solo mission. As much as he enjoyed having the Copy Ninja as his teammate, he was excited for getting a mission all to himself. It had been some months that he had been alone on a mission.

He kicked a couple of pine cones and rocks on the street. One of the rocks hit a street lamp with a 'clang'. He chuckled at his ability aim and hit when he wasn't exactly aiming.

"Naruto!" the owner of the ramen bar greeted him happily. He waved the ninja to take a seat and the blond man complied happily. "The usual?" Teuchi asked before the ninja could say anything. Naruto nodded happily.

His mind was on his new mission. He was supposed to assassinate three missing ninjas. No, he was supposed to locate three missing ninjas and then assassinate them. He would get to travel a bit again but that also meant that he would miss Kakashi's birthday. As much as he always enjoyed getting hammered on his ex-teacher's birthday, he also loved to travel across different countries and meet new people. But, he could always make it up to him when it was his own birthday. He was sure he'd be back by then.

He had become an ANBU at the same time with Sakura, when they had been 18 years old. Year after that he had become a hunter ninja. He never dreamed of becoming one and he had never thought he might actually like it.

His train of thought was interrupted as the owner placed one steaming bowl of ramen in front of him. Before he even had the chance to sink his chopsticks in the bowl, a familiar voice spoke next to him: "Make it another one of Naruto's usuals."

He looked at his old teacher and smiled widely. "Hey! I was just coming to see you!"

Kakashi chuckled: "Before or after you've eaten 10 bowls of ramen?"

Naruto ignored his comment and looked closer at his teammate. His mood seemed somewhat lighter than usually. "You got laid?" he asked laughing.

The older ninja turned to look at him and smiled with a crinkled eye, "No, the opposite. I slept."

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><p>AN: Very big thanks to darksoulwolf who helped me out with this chapter and also thanks to my lovely beta-reader The Four Tailed Fox! Couldn't have done it without you!


	6. Chapter 6

Do not own Naruto

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><p>Trying to get up from the bed too fast, resulted in hitting her jaw on the nightstand, not to mention falling to the cold stone floor. Her body wasn't used to being active. She had lost most of her muscle mass and with that, almost completely all her strength. Being assigned physical therapy and walking along the boring corridors in a foreign hospital was a far cry from what her life had been before. Despite this new daily routine, she had learned that she could manipulate chakra like before. Some things never change.<p>

Still lying on the floor, she rubbed her throbbing jaw and cursed aloud. She wasn't used to being so weak and helpless. But there had been some improvement to her situation that she was thankful of; she could now walk to the bathroom alone, she didn't need help showering and she could eat alone. Her muscles were gaining strength quickly due to her years of taijutsu training. Having been a ninja had its perks. Still am. I still am. Just need to get home, she thought sadly. Homesickness was one of the illnesses she didn't know how to cure apart from the obvious way.

The hospital gown she wore only reached to her mid-thigh and was open in the back; it failed terribly to keep her warm on the chilly days. Slowly, she gathered strength in her arms and pushed herself up from the floor. She wasn't wearing any socks and every step she took toward the bathroom sent multiple shivers from her toes up to her spine. Sakura opened the door to the bathroom and closed it behind her; and as she walked to the sink she peered at herself in the mirror. It shocked her to see her reflection. It was so different from what it used to be. Her hair had grown long and haggard. Her cheeks were little hollow and her body had shrunk into hardly nothing.

The green eyes staring at her back were still the same. They still held the same determination and expressions as before. Her hair was as pink as always. After the few weeks of being awake, eating and exercising, her skin and cheeks were getting some color back.

In the few weeks It had been since she had woken up the doctors and nurses were amazed at the speed in which she was gaining strength in her muscles. She had a secret to this though; whenever she was alone, she gathered her chakra and forced it to flow through to her nervous system. With the help of some chakra, she regained her motoric functions faster than a normal person would have.

She pulled the light blue gown off of her and dropped it on the floor. Running her fingers along the pink scar above her heart, she remembered the sadness in his eyes. She remembered her own panic.

She tried to force the sad thoughts away from her mind and she pulled down her panties leaving them on the floor. She stepped into the shower cubicle. She turned on the water and was hit by a cold spray. Not moving away from the cool water, she waited for it to become warmer.

"I need a plan", she sighed and closed her eyes.

Having no money for the boat trip or the strength to travel as she had before, made plan making challenging. Well, not challenging exactly, but it made her face the facts. She would have to steal money for the boat trip or travel like a beggar. The trip home would take more than a few days. It would take a week or two. She wanted to leave as soon as possible. But if something of Kakashi's teachings stayed with her, it was that she couldn't leave without a plan, not especially in the state she was in. She needed a good plan and she would follow it. Following it would get her home safely.

She put her hands on the cold wall in front of her; leaning on them, she let the hot spray of water warm her back.

"Home", she whispered. She missed it dearly.

She concentrated on her hands and fingers against the cool surface in front of her. Slowly, she gathered small amount of chakra and manipulated it to flow through her body, from her nervous system to her muscles, from the muscles to her blood circulation and from the veins back to her fingertips. It felt like a warm tingling all over her body. It sent several warm shivers from all over, to nowhere and everywhere at the same time. She did this not for healing or searching for anything to heal, she did it just for fun. It was a habit she picked up some years ago.

She took a bottle of shampoo from a shower shelf on her right hand side and put some of it on her hand and began lathering up her hair. Rubbing it on her scalp in small circles, she began thinking about how she had gotten to the hospital in the first place. The question had tormented her mind for the past weeks that she had been awake. All the nurses, or particularly one nurse, Mimi, knew that she was brought there by a man, Miki. Apparently, he was a ninja and that troubled her.

She took her fingers from her hair and leaned backwards letting the spray rinse out the shampoo. Her fingers traced the ANBU tattoo she had on her left arm. She wondered if Miki had seen it, if he knew she was a ninja. From what she had gathered, she knew that he was ninja from Water and just a few years back Water and Fire had been at war with each other. And, just a few years back he had brought her to the hospital.

'Friend or foe', she wondered.

Feeling cleansed and relaxed enough, she turned the tap off. She stepped out of the shower cubicle and grabbed a soft white towel from a towel rack. Freezing, she wrapped herself in it quickly.

She walked in front of the sink and looked at the steamy mirror. She wiped a big circle on it so she could see herself. Her hair had grown too long, it reached her lowest ribs. Instinctively, she wondered where her weapons were. It would've been so easy to cut it off with her kunai, but she didn't know where her weapons were by now. She thought about borrowing scissors but then figured it'd be best if she let Ino do it when she finally did get home.

She left the clothes on the bathroom floor and walked to the main room. She sat on the almost-soft hospital bed and looked out of the window. She didn't understand why she was in a solo-room. Wondering if the hospital was extremely rich or if the mysterious ninja was paying for her "upkeep", she laughed aloud.

The bed was high and her feet didn't reach the floor. She swayed them a little enjoying the cool air caressing her skin.

"Sakura!" she heard Mimi's voice behind her and turned to see the nurse.

"Yes?" she smiled sheepishly. She knew exactly what the woman would say and why she seemed to be a little angry.

Mimi seemed to try her best to look angry but ended up pouting. "You aren't supposed to take a shower without someone knowing. You could've fallen! Your body is still weak", the nurse lectured.

The pink haired ninja smiled sweetly, "I won't tell anyone if you don't."

The blond nurse's pout faltered and turned into a smile, "well, I can't tell anyone. Kai would fire me. Or well… No, he would fire me." She walked to Sakura and sat next to her.

During the past weeks, they had become friends. Mimi was assigned to the pink haired ninja's case and they both seemed to enjoy each other's company. "I know you're doing like amazing progress with this getting back to your feet, but you still have to take it slow. I need this job." the nurse explained.

"Yeah, yeah, I promise I won't fall and die on your watch", the green eyed woman laughed whole heartedly. Truth be told, she had grown very fond of Mimi. Of course, she hadn't told the nurse that she is a ninja or her last name in case she had ever seen a bingo book. She hadn't even told her that she had no idea who Miki was; she had led her to believe that she didn't remember the man.

"Okay, whatever. Now, get dressed and we'll go for your physical therapy which is… walking to the cafeteria with me and getting some coffee."

"Seriously? Have you seen the hospital gowns you're making me wear? They are un-fricking-comfortable. And ugly. I prefer this towel more", Sakura said and flashed her friend the sweetest smile she had.

"Hah! Not gonna happen. Gown, now!" Mimi said.

"Ma'am", the ninja pouted.

-x-o-x-o

Kakashi was lying on his bed, his hands under his head. An orange book was sitting on his chest but instead of reading it he was staring at the ceiling. He had tried reading but his thoughts kept being sidetracked. Realizing that he had been reading the same line over and over again, he had given up and placed the book on his chest. Icha Icha deserved better than absent minded reading.

He was positive that he was becoming insane. He hadn't seen his imaginary ghost friend in weeks, she just haunted him at nights in his dreams. It had ended abruptly and it bothered him, which made him feel like he was losing his mind. Of course, he was glad he wasn't seeing her anymore but some sick and twisted part of him missed her company. Well, missed her company when she was lucid, when she wasn't convinced that someone was after her.

He closed his eyes and breathed in and out heavily. Why was he bothered at the absence of an imaginary person in the first place? Had he become that lonely or that pathetic? Incredibly frustrated with himself, he took the book from his chest and threw it. He heard a loud thump and a crash but didn't bother to look at the damage.

He sat up trying to push thoughts of her away. He scratched the back of his head and tried coming up with a plan for the day. It was his first free day in a couple of weeks. Knowing very well that his usual bar would be crowded, he still decided to go there. He wasn't feeling like spending time with anyone but the thought of numbing his senses and the sense of reality was too tempting.

He got up from the bed and went to the bathroom to wash his face. After adjusting his mask and hitai-ate, he was ready to go.

The sound of his lazy footsteps lulled his thoughts into rest. For once, his mind was at ease. He just walked and breathed in and out. His hands were deep in his pockets and his shoulders slumped as always.

Soon the calmness and the cool autumn air were replaced by musky air tinted with smoke and the sound of loud chatter and laugh. As his eyes adjusted into the dimmer light, he immediately saw his friends, Genma and Iruka in the back of the room sitting in a booth. He ordered a drink from the bar and walked to his friends.

"Yo", the Copy ninja greeted. Iruka seemed too drunk to reply anything as he waved at his friend. The brown haired ninja with a senbon needle in his mouth grinned at his friend knowingly.

He took a seat next to the younger of the two ninjas. He placed the glass of whiskey on the table so his eyes had something to be fixed on. Genma was talking about his latest conquest and Iruka couldn't do anything else but listen. Kakashi had heard Genma's stories, a couple too many indeed. They all started and ended the same; Genma meets a woman, the woman resists him and in the end he beds her. He was about in halfway of the story as the Copy ninja's thoughts drifted away.

He saw a pretty woman walking past them. Her hips were swaying sensually and she oozed confidence. She had long brown hair and long legs. He watched as she went to sit by the counter, she crossed her legs and exchanged some words with the barkeep. The barkeeper leaned closer as she whispered something to him, her lips near to his ear. Obviously the person behind the counter was interested with the woman.

She made him think of the last time he had affectionate feelings towards a woman. But thinking back, he couldn't right away recall the last time. Had it been that long? He remembered most of the women he had slept with but he didn't remember the last one. He had been never the kind of man who believed in soul mates or everlasting love for that matter. A shinobi could hardly afford love. It caused people to do reckless things in life and on the battle field. But most of all, there was no assurance of tomorrow. Though having someone around was all he could ever ask for. Why didn't he have anyone? Had it really been that long? The thoughts plagued his mind.

Deciding he had become a pathetic excuse of a man, he drank the rest of the contents of his glass.

"What's up?" the older ninja asked looking at his friend. Apparently, he had ended his story and their friend looked like he would pass out any minute.

Kakashi waved him off, "nothing. Just reminiscing."

"About what?" Iruka slurred.

"Life", he said simply and his friend only nodded. "Drinks? I need a new one."

"Sure, two beers", Genma stated smirking. Kakashi raised an eyebrow and eyed their helplessly drunk friend wondering if he could manage anything after another one. "Don't worry, they're both for me", the older ninja said smiling.

The bar was crowded and the only free space at the counter was next to the brown haired woman he had noticed before. Without dwelling on it, he walked to the counter. The bartender was serving some younger kunoichis, which meant he would have to wait. He leaned on the counter eyes fixed on the mahogany surface in front of him.

"Hey you", a sultry voice said somewhere next to him. First, he ignored the voice, he thought the person was talking to someone else. But as he got a feeling like someone was watching him, he turned to face the person.

It was the same woman as before.

"Yo", he replied casually.

"So, I take it you're a ninja. Now, what is a ninja like you doing in a bar like this?" she asked smiling deviously. He looked around, the bar was full of ninjas. She either was stupid or really obviously hitting on him. He wasn't sure where he wanted their conversation to go but he decided to play along at least until he could order the drinks.

"Day off, just got back from a mission", he stated smiling though knowing that she couldn't see if he was smiling or not.

"Nice", she said and twirled the stick in her martini, "so, tell me, why are you wearing a mask?"

Instinctively he scratched the back of his head. Why was he always asked that? He had no idea why he insisted on wearing it but after a time he got used to it and now it was part of him, comfortable.

"I dunno, it's a habit I guess", he said.

The bartender looked at their direction and Kakashi waved him. The man was in his mid-twenties, he had short black hair that was styled messy. "Hey!" the man said and his eyes drifted to the woman next to Kakashi.

"Three beers."

"Right, coming up", the man said and flashed a smile to the woman. It made him wonder if bartenders (good looking ones) got laid a lot. If shinobi life hadn't been his calling, maybe Kakashi himself could've tried being a bartender…

-x-o-x-o

It was the dead of night but Sakura wasn't asleep. She was counting the cracks in the ceiling and listening, waiting for the perfect moment to sneak out of her room to get some supplies for her grand escape. She knew that there were a lot of doctors in the building doing the night shift and she also knew where the employee's locker rooms were.

A clock above the bed on the wall was ticking away loudly. Although the lights in the room were out, streetlamps outside and the moon gave off a faint enough glow to help light room; she could see just fine. Deciding, it was late enough, she got up from the bed. A rush of excitement and adrenaline washed over her as she realized she'd be home quite soon. She wouldn't leave in a few days but now, and she was about to complete part one of her plan.

She thought of Naruto as she cloned herself with Kage Bunsin no Jutsu and made her clone slip into the bed. With a simple Henge no Jutsu, she transformed into a nurse she had seen before a few times.

Thanking a higher power for her ability to use jutsus, she left the room smiling. Fortunately, the hallway was empty. She checked the ceilings and walls and noticed that there were no security cameras.

The staff's locker room was one floor below her. She walked as fast and as normally as she could to the elevator. After getting in it, she pressed 3 and smiled to herself. It was all going smoothly, too easy to be honest but she wasn't about to complain. Knowing very well, she couldn't complete normal missions in months, she was happy to do smaller ones such as stealing money and clothes from the doctors in the hospital. Well, happy wasn't the correct word but she was glad she could do something and be on her way as soon as possible.

Cling. The elevator reached the third floor and the doors opened. Two nurses got inside the elevator as she got out of it. They barely lifted their gazed from the charts they were staring at.

Walking in front of the door to the locker room, she realized she needed to find someone to open the door for her. She had no key and she hadn't had the heart to steal Mimi's key. She turned around and realized she was face to face with a good looking male doctor. He looked like someone had pulled him out of a TV series where all the men looked like sex gods and women looked like models.

"Hi", she said smiling, "I'm new here… Actually started yesterday and I kinda… left my key in the locker room."

"That's all right, I've got mine", he said and jingled his keys in front of her. His smile showed a perfect line of teeth. Realizing she was blushing at him, she lowered her gaze to the floor and moved away from the doorway. He opened the door and waited for her to go inside first.

'Chivalry isn't dead after all', she thought. She spun around to look at him and was about to thank him as his pager went off. Still smiling but apologetically, he took it from his pocket and sighed.

"I gotta go, I hope I'll see you around again", he said before rushing out of the room.

Sakura had listened to Mimi talking a lot about her co-workers. She had found out that there was a mean nurse who got all the good shifts just because she was related to Kai Kato. The pink haired kunoichi decided to check her locker first. The idea of stealing made her feel like a bad person but she hoped that stealing from a mean person would lessen the guilt that was about to surface.

She walked past all the lockers 'til she saw M. Kato carved on the metallic surface. She gathered some chakra on her hand and broke the lock on the door. She shuffled through the contents of the locker and found the woman's wallet in no time. She took the money inside and apologized silently in her mind. Stuffing the money in her bra, she had completed the first part of her plan.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **I couldn't have done this without my awesome beta The Four Tailed Fox!


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm not making money by writing this, and I don't own Naruto.**

* * *

><p>A few hours ago, Sakura had felt all positive feelings of excitement and happiness. Now that she had left the familiar walls of the hospital and her only friend in the foreign country, she was feeling less positive. Nervous and anxious, she was trying to figure out how much food and clothing she would need for her journey home. <em>Home<em>, the word lingered in her thoughts.

It felt like it had been just a few weeks since she had left Konoha. She didn't feel older, but she was. She was alive, but to the world she was dead.

She wished she was on top of her game so she could be home in a couple of days. If her calculations were right, the trip home would take at least a week. She would have to stop by in a village or two to get more food; she wished too that she could stay in an inn or motel some nights. Sure, she could sleep outside and that was why she had bought a sleeping bag but she couldn't defend herself as she used to.

She took the last sip from her coffee and placed the mug on the table before her. She was at a coffee shop trying to decide her next move. Glancing at the clock in the wall, she figured she still had a few hours before the ship would leave.

There was a list before her where she had written down all the things she would need. A sleeping bag, a satchel and clothing were already crossed out, although she wasn't completely sure if she could stay warm with the clothes she had already purchased. Her main concern was food. She couldn't buy the food for a week ahead of time since her bag wasn't that big.

Staring at the empty mug of coffee, Sakura decided it was time to leave and she head for the grocery store.

x-o-x-o

Sleep deprived Kakashi was counting the cracks on his ceiling. There weren't any sheep to count so he had figured the cracks were the next best thing. He wondered if it was part of getting old but lately, after missions, he had trouble sleeping for a couple of days. Maybe it had been like that always, but now that he wasn't 20-years old anymore insomnia was taking its toll on him.

He glanced around the room in hopes of seeing his imaginary ghost friend but was sad to find himself alone. Truthfully, if his body refused to sleep and his mind refused giving him his imaginative-Sakura to talk to, then he wanted company, real company.

Checking the clock on his night stand, he learned it was little past 9 am and that he had been awake the whole night. It was too early to go out and drink so much he'd pass out or try to pick up some solitary company.

_Plan B, _he thought and got up from the bed.

He picked his clothes up from the floor and his arm chair and slid them on, leaving his mask on his neck. He walked to the kitchen to his coffee maker, added the water, changed the filter bag and put some new grounds in. Kakashi put the coffeemaker on and waited, listening to its relaxing sound.

The room around him was big and bright. It was a joined kitchen, dining room and a living room. It was a medium sized corner for the fridge, stove, kitchen counter and cupboards. There was also a black dining table and two chairs. He never had dinner guests, but once in a blue moon one of his friends would come over to consume alcohol or coffee, which was why he needed the two chairs instead of one.

He had a white sofa, TV and two bookcases. No pretty pictures on the walls, in fact the only picture in the room was on his book shelf. It was the photo that had been taken of team seven several years ago. He walked to the bookcase and took the framed picture in his hand.

He had never thought of himself as a teacher material but he thought he had taught them well. Though he had always thought of himself someone who'd have their backs always, that they could always turn to him, trust him. The photo in his hand just reminded him whom he had failed first with Sasuke and then with… Sakura. He had sworn he'd do better after they lost the Uchiha prodigy. For a long time, he did do better, he had Sakura's back and she had his. The picture reminded him only of his mistakes, but he had never found the courage to throw it away.

Suddenly he realized the coffeemaker was silent. Carefully, he placed the framed picture back to the shelf and walked to the kitchen. He took the biggest mug from his cupboard and filled it with coffee.

He drank two full mugs of the black liquid heaven before he left his apartment.

x-o-x-o

Sakura had never enjoyed being on a ship. Not that she ever suffered from sea sickness but something about the deep, dark, cold ocean beneath her scared her. Silently, she thanked the higher powers for being on the morning ship.

She was lying on a bed in her cabin and trying to get some shut eye. The problem was that her mind was running too fast to relax and her thoughts were too twisted with anxiety and nervousness to even try to meditate. She had never been afraid of going home before. She knew that when she got back, she'd be interrogated since it wasn't every day that a dead ninja came back to life. But the interrogation she could handle; she had nothing to hide. However, she was afraid of Kakashi's reaction. Of course, she could've called the minute she woke up and truthfully, she had thought about it a lot but chickened out every time. She could've summoned his dogs that he had taught her to do years ago but she wanted personally to tell him that she was alive. She just hoped he wouldn't feel like she betrayed him.

'_Just relax, breathe, fall asleep… When I wake up, I'll be one huge big gigantic step closer to home'_, she thought trying to calm her nerves.

She had been on the boat less than an hour and there were six hours to go. The most logical thing to do was to sleep and eat something to gather her energy but her body refused both.

She sighed loudly and got up from the bed. The cabin she was in was extremely small; there was only room for a bed, nothing else. There was a small window which provided little light since she had pulled the blinds down; she didn't want to see the ocean around her. She lay on the floor next to the bed, her left side touching the wall and began doing sit-ups, followed by pushups and a few back exercises. She had begun doing them after she gotten her strength to walk on her own again. First week doing them she had only done 5 of each in a day. Next week it was 5 more and now she was doing thirty per day.

Before she knew it she was already done, and she lay on her stomach, her forehead pressed against the plastic flooring. It felt cool against her skin and she closed her eyes trying to concentrate on the coolness. She let herself relax and soon realized she was tired. She would've gotten up from the floor and lay down on the bed but she was afraid to move since it might shake off the tiredness.

_FLASHBACK_

_It was raining hard and the air was anything but warm. It had rained all day and Sakura had failed with her choice of canvas shoes, which were soaking wet. She was through the center of the village to his apartment. Kakashi's apartment was closer than hers and she didn't enjoy the freezing rain in the least. He had also been absent during a really important meeting and she was curious as to why._

_She had reached an area that was full of coffee shops and tall apartment buildings. Standing in front of his apartment building she looked up to see that his bedroom light was on. His window was also open. She gathered chakra in her feet and leapt from windowsill to windowsill eventually reaching his window. As soon as she stepped inside she realized her soaking clothes were forming small puddles of water on the floor. Before she could try and hop to the chest where he kept his towels, Kakashi had already strode into the bedroom with a big blue towel in his hands._

"_It's freezing out there!" she said as he handed it over to her. She took it and smiled as she began to try and dry her clothes and hair. _

"_I figured as much", he laughed, walking over to a big brown wardrobe and pulled out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. "Just put these on", he said as he tossed her his clothing._

"_Thanks! Now turn around and tell me why you weren't at the meeting", she said smiling. She placed the towel on his bed and began undressing herself._

"_Because I already knew what she was going to say. Plus it's really cold outside and raining", the Copy ninja explained. Both of them had known for weeks that Tsunade was training Naruto to become what he always wanted to become. Today, she just made it official and said it aloud. "Well, I'll make some tea and we can talk. I have something for you." he announced and walked out of the bedroom._

"_Wait! What? What do you have?" she asked while gathering her wet clothes from the floor. She hung them over the bathroom door and went into the kitchen._

_He only chuckled as he took two big mugs from the cupboards. "Vanilla?" he only asked._

"_You have to ask? But really, tell me, now! Is it a present?" _

"_Yes and no", he said. He was being cryptic and she hated it as much as she loved it. There were a few things she loved and one of them was definitely riddles. And Kakashi always had the best ones._

_She went to sit on the sofa and waited patiently. Her mind was trying to figure out what it was before he would give it, whatever it was. She understood it wasn't a typical present so it wouldn't be gift-wrapped. To her dismay, she would need more clues and she knew him well enough that he wouldn't give her one._

_Soon, he placed the two mugs on the coffee table in front of her. He said nothing and walked to a bookcase. He shuffled through some books and scrolls before pulling out an old looking scroll. He unrolled it on the floor. _

_She got up slowly intently watching the scroll. She knew what it was about and she felt honored. "Kakashi, I—", she had no idea what to say. He signed her to sit next to him on the floor; he was about to teach something to her he had never taught anyone else. Sakura decided to shut up and breathe silently, the moment was too sacred to ruin._

_THE END OF THE FLASHBACK_

Sakura shifted on the floor, feeling extremely cold and sore. Slowly, she opened her eyes and got up into a sitting position. _'I guess that's what you get for falling asleep on the drafty floor'_, she thought as she got up.

She stretched her muscles and yawned. A clock on the wall indicated it was time to eat something; the boat would reach the shore in a couple of hours. Sakura had slept a few hours finally.

The pink haired woman took a white cardigan from the bed and put it on. With that, she took "her" money and left the cabin in search for the canteen.

x-o-x-o

There were bottles of alcohol in front of Kakashi. Some of them were empty and others soon-to-be-empty. He had lost track of which ones were consumed by him and which his friend had drunk. But then again, he didn't come to a bar to count the empty bottles and glasses. The brown haired ninja did most of the talking, which gave Kakashi the opportunity to think of… nothing.

"Women, that's what we need. Women", Genma said suddenly. He didn't look half as drunk as he sounded.

Even though the idea seemed good at the moment, he knew he didn't want it. But as much as he didn't want some stranger's company, he didn't want to be alone either. "You have a plan?" Kakashi asked.

Genma grinned widely, "Always. Let's go." He left some bills on the counter and pulled his friend out of the dimly lit bar.

Squinting his eyes, he tried to get used to the bright light. He hadn't had the time to ask where they were going as his friend was again pulling him toward the center of the village.

"I know just the place and I know just the girls!"

He tried to ignore the bad feeling in his gut and go along. If things got out of hand, he could always say "no" and he could always walk away. Keeping that in mind, he let his friend lead the way. He also tried not to think what his friend exactly meant when he said he already knew the girls.

The apartment buildings got higher and there were more and more people in the streets. The town was busy; it was lunch hour and people were getting food, coffee and meeting up with friends. There wasn't a cloud in the sky but it still wasn't warm but he didn't mind since the the alcohol was keeping him warm enough.

In an ideal world, Kakashi would've thought of how others would think seeing two ninjas hammered at noon. But the world wasn't ideal and he didn't give a damn, he hadn't for a long time.

x-o-x-o

Tired and cranky, Sakura was extremely frustrated. She had been walking for hours and it seemed the journey across the Fire Country would take longer than she first had expected. She had been mostly walking along the main roads but as the sun was setting, she had walked further into the woods and made a small camp there. She had lit up a fire and placed her sleeping bag next to it.

The light was slowly creeping behind the trees turning the evening into night. She began feeling jumpy, startled by every little (normal) noise; birds chirping or rustling in their nests. Whenever she heard the smallest noise, she literally jumped up from the ground. She would try to relax and let her heart beat slow down, she'd remind herself she could defend herself. She still had her chakra and jutsus, she was able to break the ground under her and she still had her killer left hook.

It had been a long time since she had been in a forest camping the last time; though part of her felt like it had been a few weeks ago. But as she almost jumped out of her skin from the sound of a frog croaking, she decided to summon Pakkun.

When the dog first appeared, he attacked her.

"Pakkun! It's me! Sakura!" she yelled at the miniature pug as she was backing away from him. She didn't want to hurt him and she was almost sure he didn't want to hurt her either.

The small pug became less hostile and began sniffing the pink haired woman. Pakkun whimpered and looked up to her.

"I'm sorry", she said quietly and bent down next to her friend. She scratched the back of his ear, "I'm back now." But he growled and she withdrew her hand quickly. She was startled, again.

"You died!" he accused her still growling.

She took a deep breath and took off her jacket. She let it fall on the ground and grabbed the edge of the neckline of her shirt. She pulled it down so the dog could see the scar.

Before she could say anything or try to explain, he began accusing her again: "You swapped sides?" Pakkun succeeded in sounding angrier than before, he was still growling.

"No!" she yelled but forced herself to calm down, "I woke up in a hospital some weeks ago. Gawd, you don't trust me anymore?"

The small pug fell silent as she put her jacket back on. He walked closer to her and sniffed her again as if he was making sure it really was Sakura.

"You know it's not that. A lot of things have changed. A lot of people have changed", the dog explained and sat down on the ground in front of her.

"What?" she was confused now. She followed his example and sat down. "I don't understand. What has that got to do with me swapping sides? I'd never! Ever! And you know that."

She stared at him, challenging. She was angry at him for thinking she'd swap sides but mostly, she was yearning for answers. She hated cryptic people… hell, she hated even cryptic dogs.

She noticed his expression darkening as he began speaking again: "Some ninjas did, Sakura. Konoha's not the same you used to know."

Sakura could clearly see he was sad, more than that; pained. She was beginning to feel fear; she had no idea what kind of home she would return to. She was also afraid of asking the big question jumping around her thoughts. "How's… Kakashi? Is he… is—"

"—he's with Konoha", he said cutting her sentence but not answering her question. She kept staring at him, waiting for details. "He's fine… considering…"

"Considering I failed my mission forcing him to… him to-to", she couldn't finish her sentence. She buried her face in her hands and tried to calm down.; breathing evenly, in and out, in and out.

"It broke his heart", Pakkun said simply. "He's not the same anymore. After the mission, he hardly talked to anyone. He drank, the minute he woke up 'til he passed out. He barely took any missions. That lasted about a few months then we thought or hoped he got himself together. Then came the anger…" But the dog fell silent and she looked up at him, hoping to get the rest of the story.

"And?" she asked.

"Kakashi can tell you rest of it, he wants to. But Sakura, he might breathe, eat, sleep, talk and walk but he's far from being alive. I need to tell him that you're alive."

She found his words hard to believe. Sakura knew Kakashi had been through a lot and she had seen that even after all the bad things, he had a spark of life in him, he could smile and he had had always hope. She couldn't picture him as hollow as the pug had described.

"No", she said quietly gathering her thoughts and deciding what was the best course of action, "I need to tell him. He shouldn't hear this from someone else."

She sighed and tugged her sleeves down. It was getting cold. A cool breeze shuffled through her hair making her shiver.

"How fast can you get to Konoha?" the dog asked.

"Yeah… about that, I've been in a coma. I'm not in the best shape. How long does it take for a civilian to get Konoha from here?"

Pakkun just stared at her, his eyes full of disbelief and wonder. He opened his mouth to speak but hadn't the time to say anything before Sakura started talking: "I know it's a long time but I need to do this myself. Though, I am going to need your help getting home."

x-o-x-o-x

First, there was a throbbing pain in his head or inside his thoughts, he wasn't sure which. He opened his eyes and the room swirled around and he closed them again. He had no idea where he was, who he was with or what the time was. One could say his "mission" was a success but it didn't guard him from the feeling that crept into him. Regret. Just as misery loves company, he knew that regret loves more regret. He showed the feeling in the back of his mind and tried to concentrate his chakra to his liver just as she had taught him to. He forced his body to burn some of the alcohol in his blood so he could get away from wherever he was.

Eyes still closed, he concentrated on his surroundings. He was lying on something soft, a bed perhaps. He shifted a little and felt something warm next to him. His eyes shot open and he looked to his left. There was a definitely a woman next to him but all he could see was long red hair and a calf that wasn't under the duvet.

"Shit", he muttered quietly.

He got up from the bed silently, effortlessly. The woman made no sound and by her heavy breathing, he knew she was still asleep. Kakashi grabbed his clothes from the floor, put them on and left the apartment using the window in the room.

The street lamps were still on and the air was foggy. He figured it was very early in the morning or very late in the night. He recognized the buildings around him and headed to the memorial site. His steps fell into a steady rhythm and he listened to it in order to clear his thoughts. There was still enough alcohol in his blood to make it buzz comfortably in his head. He was also drunk enough to feel warm.

"I guess we're even now", an extremely familiar voice said beside him. He looked to the direction of the sound and saw his favorite imaginary ghost friend. She walked so gracefully, he couldn't hear her footsteps. He tried to remember if she used to walk like that before. But he couldn't remember.

"What?" he asked.

"Well, remember the time when I got drunk the first time? And according to Naruto, you saved me. Now, you saved yourself from an one night stand whose name you don't even know by using a technique I taught you", she explained.

He didn't answer her. But he was already thinking about her words. They would never be even, the weight would always be on his plate. Yes, he might've saved her a couple of times during her lifetime. He stopped dead in his tracks, he couldn't be thinking about it now. It was too late though, he could hear his mind accusing him.

"I'm so sorry", he said quietly but she wasn't there anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry it took so long to update! I've been really sick lately and it sucks! Anyways, big thanks to The Four Tailed Fox<strong> **who beta-read this so fast! You know I couldn't do this without you, right? And also thanks for fluffystwin who's always ready to answer my stupid questions!**


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